Joke; A Young Man Went To Buy C*ndoms

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.”Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s “the night”.”We’re having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out. And I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna get lucky after that. Once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time, so you’d better give me the 12 pack.”The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree.He begins the prayer, but continues praying with his head down for several minutes after everyone starts eating.The girl leans over and says, “You never told me that you were such a religious person.”He leans over to her and says, “You never told me that your father was a pharmacist.”

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Hilarious Joke; They Are Finally Together

Maria is a devout Catholic. (No condoms for her!) She gets married and has 17 children…and then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later…and has 22 children by her second husband. She dies.

At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens, and says, “At last…they’re finally together.” A man standing next to him asks, “Excuse me, Father, but do you mean her and her FIRST husband, or her and her SECOND husband?”

“No,” the priest says politely, “I mean her LEGS.”

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Funny Joke; We Are In Heaven

A woman had two female parrots who were always yelling, “We’re prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?” One day, she was talking to her Preacher about this. He said he had two male parrots and all they did was read the Bible. He thought perhaps they would be a good influence on the two females. So they put the four parrots together. So, the females yelled at the male parrots, “We’re prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?” One male parrot said to the other, “Put the Bibles away! We’ve made it to heaven.

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Hilarious Joke: A Deaf Man And A Mafia

The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were ‘protecting’.

Feeling the heat from the police force, they decided to use a deaf person for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldn’t be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.

Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $50,000.

He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place.

The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector can’t communicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter.

The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, “Ask him where the money is.”

The interpreter signs, “Where’s the money?”

The deaf replies, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The interpreter tells the hood, “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”

The hood pulls out a large gun and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. “NOW ask him where the money is.”

The interpreter signs, “Where is the money?”

The deaf man replies, “The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in the third tree stump on the left from the West 78th Street gate .”

The interpreter does not know how to interprets that so he says to the hood, “He says he still doesn’t know what you’re talking about, and doesn’t think you have the guts to pull the trigger

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Hilarious Joke : Where Is God?

A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.

The boys’ mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.

So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, “Where is God?”

They boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.

The clergyman repeated the question. “Where is God?”

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.

So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “Where is God!?”

The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?”

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: “We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it

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Akpors Funny And Hilarious Joke ; Jesus Cant Drive

A Sunday school teacher asked the students to learned one fact about Jesus by the following Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned.

Susie said, “He was born in a manger.”

Bobby said, “He threw the money changers out of the temple.”

Akpors said, “He has a red pickup truck but he doesn’t know how to drive it.”

Curious, the teacher asked, “And where did you learn that, Akpors?”

“From my Daddy,” said Akpors. “Yesterday we were driving down the highway,

and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him,

‘Jesus Christ! Why don’t you learn how to drive

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Weekend Random Jokes

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• You wear makeup but still look like a vampire, my sister thats what we call Adding salt to an injury😂😂
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• Some girls know you are broke, yet they will get pregnant and tell you they have good news for you.. whats good about the news😂😂
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• My sister if your baby knows how many old men sucked those breast, she’d prefer porridge😂😂
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• Women who can Cook can be so dramatic, u find her wearing an Apron just to boil water😂😂
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• This black lipstick is not for every lady, some of u end up looking like dogs or traditional healers😂😂
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• One Ibadan girl has been singing since morning “Shawa kote see kote” Instead of “Yawa go dey see gobe”😂😂
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• Something bothers me, those girls who go to night clubs wearing crop Tops and leggings, were do they put their money?
Ahbi dem no get money??😂😂
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• So u deleted ur bibble App to download Snapchat, I hope u also download a filter that can reduce the heat temperature inside Hell??😂😂
• Sister you are not Rihanna, wear bra and stop showing us that breast that are pointing at your shoes😂😂
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• Girl: Dad, whats better? To pass or to fail?
Dad: To pass obviously!
Girl: oh my God! You’ll be proud of me cos I passed my pregnancy text😂😂
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• My mom asked my girlfriend if she can Cook, Then she smiled and replied, ” Mummy I cooked the tea we drunk at home this morning”
my mum is still looking for where to faint cos our dog fainted where she suppose to faint😂😂
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• 9ja armed robbers just enter area..;
Everybody kneel down lie! bring out all your money!!
Me: Oga abeg mercy for me, I no hol money abeg nah..
Robbers: Fool! oya stand up! go and make Eba for us osiso! Ijiet😂😂😂
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• U saw a 7 year old girl singing “My money, my body na ur own baby”
when I was her age I was singing ” My head my shoulders, my kneel my toes, they all belongs to Jesus”😂😂
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• Nawao! one plastic of garri is now N1,200 & u ask all these garri sellers they will say cassava is scarce.. Please where is Tekno, he told us he have big cassava,, coman donate ur cassava to ur nation😂😂
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• That moment when you are having trust issue and then your girlfriend updates her status “I love God”
then your mind will now start telling you “It can’t be God in heaven, it could be Godstime or Godswill or probably Godspower😂😂
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• I have 2thousand people following me here in Facebook when I don’t even know where am going🚶😂
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• My problem now is this Airtel people that have been sending my grand mother some beauty tips.. please for what?😂😂
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• If you are single be fully single not when you are single your private part will be dating😂😂
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• This my neighbor always tag me in her baby’s pics everyday thats why I keep wondering if am raising her child with my data bundle 😂😂
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• That awkward moment when you finished smoking weed and decided to iron all ur cloths, when you are through you realised u have been ironing without turning on the switch.. ur villlage witches will just whisper in ur hear ‘Is our work o”😂😂
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• Using Your Boyfriend’s Picture As D.p Doesn’t Scare Us.
No Be Today We Begin Dey Enter gates wey dem Write
“Beware Of Dogs”😂😂
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• Girls are always complaining there are no nice guys. There are nice guys everywhere.
The problem is that your eyelashes are too much.
Don’t insult me ooo, I’m not a small boy😂😂
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• Guys that turn back to look at yansh of every girl that passes
The day you will turn to salt is coming
I have said my own😂😂
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• If you are short, stop celebrating your birthday
You are not growing up…
Don’t insult me I’m not your mate😂😂
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Like our page Best Stories and Jokes
• I bought Bag of rice for #20,000 and you are expecting me not to use the sack bag to sew cloth?
Are you sure you are okay???
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• Stealing meat from okro soup is very stressful
You steal one meat and okro will draw a perpendicular line from the kitchen to the bedroom
Mtchewww😂😂
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• Sometimes when thunder gets really loud, I imagine it’s God yelling at one or two troublesome angels…
“GABRIEL WHO LEFT THIS PLATE HERE?”
It’s not me that said it ooo before you people kill me😂😂
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•When you are 30+ you will never see a single person
You have to destroy a relationship to be in a relationship
Thank me later😂
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•My Sister Big Bumbum with ugly face is like Public Holiday on a Saturday
It’s a Waste
Wisdom will not kill me😂😂
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•Don’t wear white on someone else’s wedding, it’s not your time to shine
Don’t insult me, I’m not feeling fine😂😂
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• There are some people on your friend list that look at your timeline all the time, but they don’t really like you, so they never comment on or like any of your posts, but they can’t delete you cos they want to know what you are doing
The level of Witchcraft in Nigeria will kill somebody one day😂😂
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• So the only thing Satan can do to the naked eve is only to convince her to eat the forbidden fruit.. that nigger must be a gay😂😂
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• No one is more respectful than a person who comes to borrow money from you.. he can even greet ur dog “Hello bingo how are you”
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• Just because of one fine osher girl thats why u give all ur money in the offering box, now u are looking for a lift..
bro, can’t u see the devil is using ur sense to dance Wo! by Olamide😂😂😂😂
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• You are 45yrs old and you still dance and shout when Nepa bring light..
pls bro, come my side we have psycatric hospital😂😂
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• Beyonce just sent me a friend request, but her location is showing me Ajegunle, Nigeria
Ahbi has beyoncy relocated?😂😂
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• A wise man once said:
“The best way to fall in a relationship is to fall with parachute”😂😂
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• That moment when you buy iPhone 7 for 200k and it has Nokia Ringing tune😂😂
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• Where are those slay queens that lost their virginity cos of iPhone 7.. now iPhone 8 is out, hope u ready to loose ur destiny?😂😂
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• You bought iPhone 7 this morning and in the evening it fell into water.. Don’t worry too much, just take the earphone and hang your self😂😂🔫
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• My fear for weed started when I saw my friend’s father dabbing for Osadebe song😂😂
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• So this guy has refused to go home simply because he posted on Facebook;
“A father that is not like Dangote, is that one a father” and his father liked it😂😂
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• A Yoruba man will still count money from ATM machine😂😂
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• That moment when you’re drunk and want to jump across a gutter not knowing you are about to jump off third mainland bridge😂

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Some Funny, Craziest And Stupid Jokes

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.”
– Groucho Marx

“His mind is so open – so open that ideas simply pass through it.”
– F. H. Bradley

“The stupid person’s idea of a clever person.”
– Elizabeth Bowen talking about Aldous Huxley

“Avoid all needle drugs. The only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.”
– Abbie Hoffman

“The only genius with an IQ of 60.”
– Gore Vidal talking about Andy Warhol

“A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind”
– Anonymous

“Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today”
– Anonymous

“Brains aren’t everything. In fact in your case they’re nothing”
– Anonymous

“Don’t let you mind wander – it’s far too small to be let out on its own”
– Anonymous

“He always finds himself lost in thought – it’s an unfamiliar territory”
– Anonymous

“He doesn’t know the meaning of the word “fear” – but then again he doesn’t know the meaning of most words”
– Anonymous

“I don’t know what makes you so dumb but it really works”
– Anonymous

“I don’t think you are a fool, but what’s my opinion compared to that of thousands of others”
– Anonymous

“He does the work of three men: Larry, Curly & Moe”
– Anonymous

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Joke; On A Plane To New York

Akpors was going on a plane trip to New York. When the attendant came by and asked for his ticket, she told Akpors, ‘I’m sorry. Your ticket isn’t for first class. Could you please move to your seat.” Akpors replied, “I’m Akpors, I’m hansome, and I’m going to New York.” The attendant said, ‘That’s fine mr, but you’ll have to go to your seat.” Akpors responded again, “I’m Akpors, I’m handsome, and I’m going to New York.”

This conversation continued, always with Akpors’s same response. The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and told him about Akpors. The captain went and whispered something in Akpors’s ear and the he immediately got up and went to his seat in coach.

The attendant asked the captain how he got the stubborn man to move. He said, “I just told him that this part of the plane wasn’t going to New York.

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Joke; There Is No Way To Please A Woman

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, “For Women Only.” Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. “We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It’s easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what’s inside.”

They start going up and on the first floor the sign reads, “All the men on this floor are short and plain.” The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads, “All the men here are short and handsome.” Still, this isn’t good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads, “All the men here are tall and plain.” They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continue on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect. “All the men here are tall and handsome.” The women get all excited and are about to go in when they realize that there is still one floor left.

Wondering what they would be missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
On the fifth floor they find a sign that reads, “There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman.!!

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Random Short Jokes Of The Day (Version 17)

*JOKE EXPLOSION*

1. Nigerian girls love money, I’m telling you.
You’ll get angry and tell her to go to hell She will look at you and be like, “I don’t have transport fare.”
Jesus!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

2. I wonder y dy call it “menstruation” instead of womenstruation… Plz ladies don’t shift ur problem to us
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

3. No matter how serious your
relationship is…
Ur girl/boyfriend is Always single in evry document he/she fills…😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

4. *Today I was with my girlfriend in my room..hmmm dis weather…after some minutes she told me ” bae make me feel like a woman” I quickly stood up and collected all dirty clothes and gave her. She suddenly left*
*But I think she has gone to buy soap*🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

5. Hmmmm I actually don’t know what girls mean or want when the say this……
Dey will be like…’Babe I will soon be going ooo
😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
#onlyjahknows

6. This is hw we American brush our teeth…..Shi.!!!shi!!!shi!!!!shi!!!!!pour and rinse that is all

Buh hw u Nigerians brush ur teeth
shi!!shika!!shi!!shikakaka!!kakashi!!kakashii!!!Deep the brush inside their throat like dey wanna swallow it!!!!……
Make weird sound like a goat. Being strangled… Then felt Like vomiting…..Takes another paste to the brush…….Every thing would seems like an horror film…..
Thank God am not from this country…😎🤗

7. 😌😌😌 We *virgins* deserve daily allowances for d temptations we overcome especially now d weather is not encouraging…😜😜..…………………..

8. Its funny how ladies don’t get moved when their babies suck their breast but u will hear all kinds of moaning n groaning when a guy start sucking their breast…
Isn’t God wonderful..
Mi ano won talk anything😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

9. Yahoo boys in a party….. 😂😂😂
moment they hear SARS…..they won’t even wait to hear if it’s SARZ__ON__THE__BEATZ😜
Omo come and see temple run
😂😂😂😂😂😂

10. Having a short girlfriend is not bad until she washes your clothe

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Random Short Jokes Of The Day (Version 16)

1. The day you try to have sex with your girl friend who is a soldier daughter push her on the bed and she mistakely hit her head on the wooden part and died . Dont cry too much o her father will still send you to hell where she is . #isorite.

2. If you go to a native doctor for wealth and he ask you to bring a virgin in calabar age 18-21 just don’t worry you can never be rich again .

3. Because your boyfriend is living next door to your house you now wear your christmas cloth to go and fetch water . #lemme_come_and_be_going .

4. You have an iphone 7 and you are not able to eat two square meal a day . Oya come closer don’t worry am not beatin you just kneel down lemme pray for
you any witch using your brain to fry akara oya fall down now now .

5. Sometimes when i see some goat i just imagine that maybe that are people who pick money on the road . Oya shift lemme faint .

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Joke: Different Types Of Banks Girls In Nigeria

*Girls are Banks in Nigeria*

*Different Types Of Banks (girls) In Nigeria????*

1. A girl who asks for money all the time is

called “Commercial Bank”.????

2. A girl who calls you for food always is called “Agricultural Development Bank”.??

3. A girl that uses your money to take care of other family

members is called “National Investment Bank”.????

4. A girl who prefers to have sex after marriage is “Social Security Bank”.????

5. A girl who is very faithful to you is “Fidelity Bank”.????

6. A girl who loves every available man is “Access Bank”.????

7. A girl who dates men from different countries is “Intercontinental bank”.??

8. A girl who doesn’t demand too much money is called “Micro Finance Bank”.????

9. Dating a woman older than u is called “Wema Bank”.????

10. A girl who is always faithful and trustworthy to her guy is called “Guaranty Trust Bank”.?????

11. A girl whose guy dis-virgined her is called, “Firstbank”.????

12. A girl who uses all ur money to buy jewelries is called “Diamond bank”.????

*Ladies which “Bank” Are You?*

*Guys Which “Bank” is ur Girlfriend…???*

*Pls be honest….???*

I beg laugh jare. Life has no duplicate joor!!!

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