Cheating is the ultimate betrayal but I’m not stupid, I know the signs” or so says the husband. To which I decree: “Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full.”
We all have intuition. We all have experience, either personal or observed, with the cheating experience. And yet, 67% of indiscretions were not discovered in the last two years of a marriage. But why? There is no easy way to talk or write about the subject but there are relationship triggers that warrant exploration into whether your wife is cheating.
#1. Communication Hide-and-Seek: Does she seem to have her cell phone on her person more often now? Are her cell phone text or call logs mysteriously clean? Do you notice that your Internet cookies are clean. For the non-geek translation, when you use the Internet, do you notice that you’re now having to type in e-mail or social media passwords that were ‘saved’ before. These may be signs that she is communicating with someone via these mechanisms and erasing her tracks along the way.
#2. Distance in the Bedroom: Although women can often resort to infidelity when they feel like intimacy is lacking in the bedroom, once they do the deed, they can actually shut down or stop trying in the bedroom. For starters, women do have a stronger emotional tie to someone they’ve had a physical relationship with and now their mind may be on that person. For seconds, when women are fed up with their partner not touching them and they cheat on them as a result, any prior desire or plea for passion is replaced with anger and then indifference. “You didn’t want to touch me and I thought it was me. Now I have someone who loves touching me all over,”says the wife to herself as she ignores the husband that used to ignore her.
#3. Increased Interest in Your Schedule and Whereabouts: Is there a newfound interest in where you are or where you’re going? Even several days or weeks out? Does your wife inquire once and follow-up later? Why might she be doing that? Could it be that she has places to be?
#4. An Increase in ‘Nitpicking’ or ‘Nagging’: It is a fact of infidelity that when women are unhappy and strays as a result, they will get a little braver and more frustrated when they put their wife hat back on. “Why am I here” or “I really want to see Mark” may go through her mind whilst she tears you a new one over something that wouldn’t have bothered her as much before. Some wives want the combativeness to test your fire (read: the one they thought was lacking in the first place) or to have you put the issues on the table….
#5. ‘As Good As It Get’s’ Syndrome: Is she more openly contemplative of where she is in her life? Does she talk of regret or disappointment in those trips you never took or the house you never bought? Are there comments about how you don’t have sex as much as you used to? More succinctly put, is there a newfound resentment or hurt that the marriage or your life together isn’t what was originally advertised or desired?
#6. Eye Contact Gone: Bottom line here, is she making eye contact less? When you talk, do you see her eyes trailing off? Does she look down more? Women, moreso than men, have regret and disappointment in cheating, even when they believe their reasons for doing so to be valid. This will show in their ability (or inability) to look you right in the eye like they used to.
These are not the only signs but they’re the big ones. The number of wives that have cheated on their spouse has increased 45% in the last 20 years. The amount that have not but said they would if they thought they could get away with it is 13%. Simply put, women have more expectations and confidence than they had in the past and that is driving them to demand more. If they can’t get it the traditional way, they may just assess the situation and decide to get it via different route. How might you see it coming?
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