This Is The Biggest Obstacle To Your Success And Happiness

I find with each passing day that the biggest obstacle in our lives is the person we look at each morning in the mirror. This is both a blessing and a curse. We all demand a lot of ourselves. We have enormous dreams that some would probably laugh at and dismiss. Sometimes, in moments of weakness, we cave in to the fears and temporary worries. Will we be able to pull it off? That’s no lie.

While inner-doubt is real and a battle worth fighting each day, I find that obstacles also come from many people in different forms and doses. A snide comment. A dismissive retort to an idea at work. Even someone close to you casting aspersions over a speech you gave, piece you wrote or song you played at a gig.

You must survive external and self-criticism if you want to find happiness, success and peace of mind. I’ve seen rising musicians, actors, writers, comedians, lawyers and athletes melt under the burning heat of criticism. It’s sickening to watch and it can be avoided. But you have to know how. Resolve helps too.

Motivating Factors

I’ve written previously about the need for motivating factors at the beginning of each day that we can read aloud and speak over our lives. Napoleon Hill describes this perfectly in his book, Think and Grow Rich, when addressing the positive emotions that influence our thoughts and actions. I will share those here:

“The emotion of DESIRE
The emotion of FAITH
The emotion of LOVE
The emotion of SEX
The emotion of ENTHUSIASM
The emotion of ROMANCE
The emotion of HOPE”

So I ask you, what can you conjure up in your beautiful imagination that will help influence your thoughts? What ideas that blend the power of these positive emotions will inspire you to fight off your inner-critic and the words of those who doubt you?

Once you have those, you can feed these emotions to your subconscious mind through the power of autosuggestion. Most people don’t do this because it takes discipline, mindfulness and rigor. It requires composure, extraordinary emotional intelligence and confidence. Some people are scared of what they might tell themselves. They’re fearful of success or what might happen once they decide to never look back upon doubt, criticism and fear.

As Robin Williams’ character tells Matt Damon’s, Good Will Hunting, in the eponymous movie, “You’re terrified of what you might say.” Some of us don’t believe we’re worthy to speak such positive things over our lives. But it’s critical to create this fertile ground in our minds before we take the action required.

Once we have the thought-process, mental preparation and autosuggestion down, we can focus on these five areas:

1. Defining values
2. Establishing goals
3. Envisioning ourselves doing each goal and task in our plan
4. Designing a weekly road map that can be refined, refreshed and modified as need be. This is an iterative, breathing and living plan. It should be reviewed multiple times per day
5. Doing the work and concentrating all of our energy, effort and attitude into each task

Pressure and Criticism — Killer Obstacles

The key differences between criticism and pressure are: criticism from others is external while pressure is internal. Pressure can double-down on us in the form of criticism that we pass from our intuition and thoughts into our subconscious mind.

This is truly the worst type of criticism, because even long after we’ve dodged the verbal daggers and bullets from others, these thoughts sit on our mind in an attempt to mentally and emotionally torture and maim us.

It’s not easy to “Make everyday your masterpiece” when you doubt yourself or when others try to drag you down. Even the most mentally tough people I’ve ever observed, studied and known still hurt sometimes. Words can agitate us, frustrate us and cause anguish.

I draw a very sharp line of demarcation between constructive criticism and words that are meant to pierce us. Mentors, friends and teachers are invaluable resources for providing us with guidance and coaching that betters our process for doing something or enlightens our perspective and approach. Constructive criticism — insofar that it provides value to us — is a gift.

Facing the Critic

In my years of coaching high school basketball, I’ve always been amazed at how teenagers speak to each other. Heck, I still vividly remember many of these conversations or verbal jabs when I was in high school. There’s simply not enough psychology taught in our school system. Because you need to be part-Sigmund Freud if you want to survive some of the things people say to you.

People often speak from their own insecurities and fears. What you hear is often their own interpretation of their experiences. If their experiences have been negative and filled with doubt, they likely will be critical of you. Which is why virtually all educational and help-based literature encourages you to surround yourself with positive, upbeat people who live with enthusiasm, vigor and a believing mindset.

The critic will tear us apart if we let it. We all must face this external messenger or internal voice. Negativity can motivate us, at times, but it can also destroy us. It’s far better to use positive, motivating factors to set your daily and weekly routine for achieving what you desire. The choice is yours to face whatever obstacles threaten to take you down.

I hope you rise to the challenge.