Betrayal is like a train wreck that you never see coming. There are many circumstances that could be considered betrayal, from a friend turning on you in your time of need to a romantic partner carrying on an affair behind your back.
Eventually, for the good of your own mental and emotional health, you should forgive the person who betrayed you. Start by healing yourself emotionally and surrounding yourself with people who care. If you wish to rebuild your relationship, you can do so after forgiving the person.
Below are 9 ways to rebuild your relationship with whoever betrayed you.
1. Understand What Forgiveness Is
Forgiveness does not mean excusing or accepting the betrayal. Rather, forgiveness is the act of freeing yourself of the anguish and anger that you’ve felt towards the person who betrayed you. Forgiveness means letting go of your grudge against the other person.
Even though resenting someone who betrayed you seems like an appropriate response, in fact the only one you’re hurting when you refuse to move on is you. If you do not forgive others after a betrayal, you will always in some sense remain tethered to the person who wronged you, and won’t be able to live your own life to full capacity.
2. Decide Why You Want To Forgive
There are two primary reasons why you might forgive someone. One is to stay true to the value system you believe in. The other is to help you overcome the emotional pain caused by betrayal. Both are valid, and can work in tandem.
Religious traditions, especially, encourage forgiveness. The second reason you might choose to forgive is to move beyond the pain and misery caused by the person who betrayed you. When thinking about this motive, you use forgiveness as a tool to help you work your way through the sadness of your betrayal.
3. Don’t Force Forgiveness
Making an explicit decision to forgive is important, but actually experiencing forgiveness and being free of the pain can take time. Forgiveness is a process and won’t happen overnight. Even slight betrayals can take time to stop hurting; however, if you actively maintain forgiveness as your goal, you will eventually get there.
4. Decide The Future Of Your Relationship With The Betrayer
Some betrayals are so awful that afterwards, you are unwilling or unable to recover the relationship. Even when you forgive someone, you might feel that the relationship is not one you want to salvage.
Think about your relationship with the person who betrayed you. Are they an integral part of your life? Can you imagine life without them? Analyze the person’s character. Someone is only worth rebuilding a relationship with if they demonstrate sincere sorrow for what they did and are actively working to regain your trust.
5. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness refers to a suite of abilities, each of which can help you move recover emotionally from the betrayal you suffered. Staying mindful means being objective when thinking about your betrayal and acting in a thoughtful, deliberate way.
Live in the moment and remember that the betrayal is in the past. This will give you the necessary perspective on the betrayal to think about in less reactive ways like seeking vengeance or wishing to harm the person who betrayed you.
6. Stay Positive
Shift your attention away from the betrayal and the pain it brought you by using restorative images. Restorative images reinforce positive thinking and healthy values by keeping you focused on safety, happiness, and your own future instead of looking backwards toward the pain in your past.
With positive images in mind, you’ll be able to see the process of forgiveness as a healthy step on the road to your own healing.
7. Write A Letter To The Person Who Betrayed You
Writing a letter is therapeutic because it allows you to express yourself in an honest, thoughtful way. After a few days, go back and re-read the letter, reflecting on its contents. You don’t need to send the letter, though you could.
Alternately, you could choose to burn the letter afterwards in order to help you exorcise the negative feelings the letter contained. Writing a letter can provide emotional healing for you, moving you further along in the process of forgiveness.
8. Admit How You Feel
Being honest with the person who betrayed you can be extremely difficult. You already feel vulnerable with the person who let you down, and revealing more about yourself or your emotional state might seem impossible; however, if you want to fix your relationship with the person, you must take the risk and open up to him.
9. Give Meaning To The Betrayal
While the betrayal you experienced may seem senseless and random at the time, step back and try to give the experience value. Instead of thinking of it as a completely terrible event without any beneficial aspects, you could think of ways in which you might actually be thankful for it.
The meaning you take from the misery of betrayal can bolster your emotional strength, which you can then use to forgive the person who betrayed you.
Credit: Wikihow
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