Akpos Joke: Letter from Wife

Dear husband Akpos: I’m writing you this
letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for
good.
I’ve been a good woman to you for seven
years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your
boss called to tell me that you had quit
your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn’t
notice that I had gotten my hair and nails
done, cooked your favorite meal and even
wore a brand new negligee. You came
home and ate in two minutes, and went
straight to sleep after watching the game.
You don’t tell me you love me anymore,
you don’t touch me or anything. Either
you’re cheating or you don’t love me
anymore, whatever the case is, I’m gone.
P.S. If you’re trying to find me, don’t. Your
BROTHER and I are moving away to South
Africa together! Have a great life! Your EX-
Wife ______________________
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than
receiving your letter. It’s true that you and
I have been married for seven years,
although a good woman is a far cry from
what you’ve been.
I watch sports so much to try to drown out
your constant nagging. Too bad that
doesn’t work.
I did notice when you cut off all of your
hair last week, the first thing that came to
mind was “You look just like a man!” My
mother raised me not to say anything if
you can’t say anything nice.
When you cooked my favorite meal, you
must have gotten me confused with MY
BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork
seven years ago. I went to sleep without
commenting on your new dress because
the price tag was still on it.
I prayed that it was a coincidence that my
brother had just borrowed $50 from me
that morning and your negligee was
$49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt
that we could work it out. So when I
discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten
million dollars, I quit my job and bought us
two tickets to France. But when I got home
you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason I guess. I
hope you have the fulfilling life you always
wanted. My lawyer said with your letter
that you wrote, you won’t get a dime from
me. So take care.
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but
Emmanuel, my brother was born
Emmanuella. I hope that’s not a problem.
Signed Rich As Hell and Free!